“I'm Alright” — When Men Suffer in Silence

“I'm Alright” — When Men Suffer in Silence

There are two words I've heard men say countless times.

“I'm alright.”

Sometimes they are.

And sometimes they're anything but.

They go to work. They pay the bills. They make people laugh. They look after their families and get on with whatever needs doing.

From the outside, everything can look perfectly normal.

Inside can be a very different story.

For generations, many men have grown up hearing versions of the same message: man up, be strong, don't make a fuss, get on with it.

And eventually you can become very good at doing exactly that.

You learn how to carry things without showing them.

The problem is that being good at hiding something doesn't make it hurt any less.

When nobody knows you're struggling

Emotional pain doesn't always look like someone crying or saying they can't cope.

Sometimes it looks like anger.

Sometimes it's working every hour you can.

It might be drinking more, withdrawing from people, losing patience with those you love or lying awake at night thinking about things you never mention during the day.

And sometimes it simply looks like:

“I'm fine.”

You can be surrounded by people who care about you and still feel completely alone with what's happening inside your head.

That's one of the cruellest things about silence.

Nobody can see the weight you're carrying because you've become so good at carrying it.

Why is talking so difficult?

For some men, talking about feelings can feel uncomfortable, embarrassing or completely unnatural.

Perhaps nobody in your family talked about emotions when you were growing up.

Maybe you've spent your life being the person other people rely on.

Or perhaps you've convinced yourself that your problems aren't serious enough and somebody else has it worse.

So you tell yourself you'll deal with it.

And you keep going.

Until sometimes, keeping going becomes the problem.

Talking isn't weakness

I don't believe strength means never struggling.

And I don't believe asking for help somehow makes you less capable, less masculine or less able to cope.

Sometimes strength is being able to say:

“I'm struggling.”

“I feel lonely.”

“I don't know what to do.”

“I need some help.”

Those can be incredibly difficult words to say.

But they can also be the beginning of something changing.

Talking doesn't make you less of a man.

It makes you human.

You don't have to tell everyone

Opening up doesn't mean announcing your feelings to the world.

It might mean talking honestly to your partner.

It might be telling a friend that things haven't actually been okay lately.

Or it might mean talking to somebody completely separate from the rest of your life.

That's one of the things counselling can offer.

You don't need to worry about burdening me. You don't need to protect me from what you're thinking. And you don't have to pretend that everything is fine.

My job isn't to judge you or tell you how you should live your life.

It's to listen, understand and work alongside you as we begin to make sense of what's happening.

Perhaps “I'm alright” isn't the whole story

If you've spent years dealing with things yourself, asking for help can feel like a huge step.

So it doesn't have to start with a huge conversation.

I offer a free 15-minute introductory call, simply so we can talk. You can ask questions, tell me as much or as little as you want, and decide whether counselling with me feels right for you.

I offer face-to-face counselling in Stockport and online counselling.

You don't need to have the right words.

You don't even have to know exactly what's wrong.

Perhaps the first step is simply being able to say:

“Actually... I'm not alright.”